tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11380751710442737842024-03-08T10:46:21.127-08:00Finding HappyCamryn Elizabeth was born at 34 weeks due to my pre-e being out of control. She was in the NICU for 16 days and came home recently. This is our story...Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-57042707605080381902011-05-07T21:41:00.000-07:002011-05-07T22:12:31.866-07:00Becoming a mom...Becoming a mom was something I have wanted for as long as I can remember. I became a mom for the first time in April of 2009. However, I only carried my baby for 10 weeks. In those 10 weeks I learned what it felt like to not only life for yourself but to live for someone else. Things changed for me then and there was no going back. After much heartbreak and many tears I would find out I was pregnant again in July of 2010. This pregnancy was much different than the first. During my first pregnancy I spent 10 weeks in a bubble of happiness. However, with this new pregnancy I was not able to do that for a long time. I felt like I as walking on pins and needles for the longest time. I never knew what every ache and pain would bring. It was very scary and just made my anxiety even worse. The weeks passed and eventually I felt my baby kick. This is by far the best feeling in the world. There is nothing like it and it is hard to explain. Every moment and kick meant things were ok on the inside and my baby was telling me not to worry so much. <br /><br />I could never anticipate the way in which my baby would make her way into the world. I was not prepared for the unexpected. The only unexpected I thought was that my water would break in the middle of the night. I never anticipated her birth being so traumatic for me. This is the way I thought things would happen...<br /><br />I would start having contractions on day in April of 2010... <br />I would wake Dan up and we would call my doula. She would come over and we would labor at home as long as possible. We would then make our way to the hospital. <br />I would yell and scream a little bit and a few hours later I would painfully push this baby out. <br /><br />I WISH I could tell you that was the case. I wish I felt contractions so bad that they made me yell at Dan and tell him he did this crazy thing to me... Not the case... <br /><br />I wish I could tell you that after I pushed my baby out they layed her on my chest and we started to bond from there...<br /><br />I wish I could tell you that my baby was in the room with me after she was born.<br /><br />Becoming a mom for me started long before this point. However, becoming Camryn's mom started on March 7, 2010 when I was admitted to the hospital because of pre-e. My blood pressure was high and I needed to be in bed, on my left side in order to keep us safe. <br /><br />From here on out it was a fog. I big crappy fog that made me not remember what was happening. I was in bed for 4 days on "the mag." I could not leave my bed or eat for 4 days. That is enough to drive a person crazy! <br /><br />My baby would make her way into the world after a long 48 hour failed induction. My baby would have to be cut out of me 5 weeks early because my body had failed us. <br /><br />My 3 pound baby would be moved to the NICU after birth. My 3 pound baby would stay there for 16 days because my body failed us. <br /><br />No one tells you that you might feel guilty for the birth of your child. No one tells you that something could go wrong. <br /><br />With this being said I feel extremely blessed that my 3 pound baby was that big. Some babies are born smaller than she was. I feel blessed that she was only in the NICU for 16 days. I feel blessed that she only had an iv and feeding tube. <br /><br />There are so many parents and babies with different, more critical situations. <br /><br />No one tells you these things so I am going to. Pregnancy is hard, it changes you. Your body will not look the same. Giving birth is probably not going to be like it is on tv, breastfeeing sucks, it is hard, it hurts, and if you cannot do it becasue your body is not ready you might feel guilty. Having a newborn is hard. They wake up 100 times a night and most of the time right after you just (finally) fell asleep. You will worry about everything, that is normal. <br /><br />and with all those crazy things you can never imagine... it is the best feeling in the world. There is nothing like it. <br /><br />Camryn you make my world better. You make me want to be a better person. But most of all you make me happy which is something I once thought I would never be. You are by far the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life. Without you I would not get to celebrate this day. <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x-l--0sK9RI/TcYmDrVpw7I/AAAAAAAAAJ4/txFFFt70pic/s1600/camryn%2Bsushi.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 262px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x-l--0sK9RI/TcYmDrVpw7I/AAAAAAAAAJ4/txFFFt70pic/s320/camryn%2Bsushi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604208630924166066" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OqkZqspaxQw/TcYl0uCg93I/AAAAAAAAAJw/Mi7tP_2AF4c/s1600/gma%2B5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OqkZqspaxQw/TcYl0uCg93I/AAAAAAAAAJw/Mi7tP_2AF4c/s320/gma%2B5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604208373951166322" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-32328650250450858042011-03-02T07:57:00.000-08:002011-03-02T08:26:48.353-08:00Before you continue reading this blog...There are some things you need to know about me...<br /><br />First of all I am not an organized person. My house would be piles if it were not for my husband. Organization makes him happy. I would probably be a borderline hoarder because I generally go by the motto " I might be able to use that later." I like to pretend I am organized but in reality I am not!<br /><br />I love food. I mean love it! I crave things like no one I know. While I was pregnant I wanted to eat everything tangy and spicy! I love Mexican food and soup! I am thankful I have some amazing cooks in my family and married into a a family where they know how to cook as well. <br /><br />At one time I thought my career was what defined me. However, I am learning that there are so many more important things in life. I don't mean that my career is not important but there are things that might need me more than that! <br /><br />I love my family. My family is everything to me. This includes my close friends too because they are key in my life. I also miss my family terribly because we live about 13 hours from them.<br /><br />If possible I would live my life in sweatpants and flip flops. I would say barefoot but you generally need something on your feet to get around in this world today. If we had a yard I would never have shoes on. I have even been known to wear flip flops in the snow...<br /><br />My hobbies include: scrap booking, crafting, photography, writing, reading, traveling, cooking, baking, and just being generally creative... I wish I had more space to do all this. My dream home includes a room which I can do all this stuff in. This is a room where Dan is not allowed to organize and I can just shut the door!<br /><br />I don't wear makeup 99% of the time. Very rarely I put on some mascara but I don't even like to put lotion on my face...<br /><br />I suffer from anxiety. Imperfections and scratches make me panic. This is something I have been dealing with my whole life. It drives Dan crazy and I try to control it but it has been a bumpy road... I will get into this more later. <br /><br />I hate math and have never been good at it. I can't spell to save my life. School in general was never my thing. I took the bare minimum in high school. I some how figured out how to get my masters degree. I like to learn but I can't sit still so school was tough!<br /><br />I am sure there is probably more you need to know about me but this is a start...<br /><br />This is me... like it or leave it... I don't care!<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SZWYi0gMF4g/TW5vG9iMv_I/AAAAAAAAAIo/Al9FC8MtRjo/s1600/IMG_5675.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SZWYi0gMF4g/TW5vG9iMv_I/AAAAAAAAAIo/Al9FC8MtRjo/s320/IMG_5675.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579519153746526194" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-41240756721123567212011-03-01T21:35:00.001-08:002011-03-01T21:40:22.010-08:00This time last year...<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AvF-KH4UBpQ/TW3XRSeZnRI/AAAAAAAAAII/eXUVQbZmCxg/s1600/before%2B3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AvF-KH4UBpQ/TW3XRSeZnRI/AAAAAAAAAII/eXUVQbZmCxg/s320/before%2B3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579352205399006482" /></a><br />I was offically on bedrest. <br /><br />However, that was short lived and that turned into this...<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Bx0acZNLTfY/TW3XnaUGU3I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/U3hev9Icn5g/s1600/before%2Bbirth.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Bx0acZNLTfY/TW3XnaUGU3I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/U3hev9Icn5g/s320/before%2Bbirth.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579352585460405106" /></a><br /><br />Which turned into this...<br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGvH3-Pf4b0/TW3X79RWu6I/AAAAAAAAAIY/RgE0OHPM1eU/s1600/before%2B2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGvH3-Pf4b0/TW3X79RWu6I/AAAAAAAAAIY/RgE0OHPM1eU/s320/before%2B2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579352938441522082" /></a><br /><br />but it was worth it for this...<br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oH-x3KXtl0M/TW3YDMjBqTI/AAAAAAAAAIg/rA2WhbXKr1M/s1600/before%2B4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oH-x3KXtl0M/TW3YDMjBqTI/AAAAAAAAAIg/rA2WhbXKr1M/s320/before%2B4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579353062801254706" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-60288205491502155032010-10-19T19:54:00.000-07:002010-10-19T19:58:18.513-07:00My Mommy Pet Peeve...is when people say that it was love at first sight or it came so naturally. For me it did not.... Not every mom feels like this right away!<br /><br />It took me a few weeks to a month to even feel close to what I think some people experience with the birth of their child. My birth story is anything but typical. In short... I was induced for 48 hours, it did not work, my child was ripped from my body, and then sent to the NICU where she lived without me for 16 days. <br /><br />That is all...Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-60958085947757393842010-09-09T02:16:00.001-07:002010-09-09T02:36:25.816-07:00So much has changed...I have not written in this thing for so long. I did not forget about it, I was just doing other things! <br /><br />During the middle of June I had to return to work for a couple of weeks. I was originally supposed to be out for the rest of the year but because Cam arrived early I had to go back after being out 60 days.<br /><br />After that we all traveled to Chicago. Dan stayed a couple of weeks and then flew home. Camryn and I stayed the entire month, we traveled around to friends and family, to WI and MI while there.We enjoyed our time at home but we were ready to come back! However, after coming back we ended up flying to CA (Cam's first flight)and stayed at Disney. We also drove to Las Vegas to meet one set of grandparents, we got a date night out of it too. Well I should say a baby free night since they kept her over night in their room. Bliss!<br /><br />Here are some pictures from the past few months...<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipsIEDUHI/AAAAAAAAAFM/8So9Lg6sSHw/s1600/cam+9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipsIEDUHI/AAAAAAAAAFM/8So9Lg6sSHw/s320/cam+9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514844319258988658" /></a><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipnLpjnmI/AAAAAAAAAFE/WKi0P1FALx4/s1600/cam+6.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipnLpjnmI/AAAAAAAAAFE/WKi0P1FALx4/s320/cam+6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514844234322255458" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipf9aJeyI/AAAAAAAAAE8/Az1w72_-ewA/s1600/cam+5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipf9aJeyI/AAAAAAAAAE8/Az1w72_-ewA/s320/cam+5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514844110240447266" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipa7kiaJI/AAAAAAAAAE0/fNfrT1y6iYs/s1600/cam+3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipa7kiaJI/AAAAAAAAAE0/fNfrT1y6iYs/s320/cam+3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514844023847807122" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipVifPJ_I/AAAAAAAAAEs/FnZ4sBOrWZM/s1600/cam+1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/TIipVifPJ_I/AAAAAAAAAEs/FnZ4sBOrWZM/s320/cam+1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5514843931215341554" /></a><br /><br /><br />We were lucky to have a couple of weeks at home before I had to return to work. I am learning how to be a working mom. Thank god I have my husband who is a HUGE help with everything. He is fortunate enough to work from home one or two days during the week. Camryn gets to stay with him. The most she is in daycare during a given week is 3.5 days. Dan cleans up the house and cooks, can it get better than that. He is a blessing since my job can make for some late nights. <br /><br />So much for my 3 lb baby. At 5ish months she is around 15lbs! She is huge comepared to where she started.<br /><br />I have some thoughts I want to share about how her birth has impacted the mom I am now...good and bad... I will leave that for another day.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-63660778908256726052010-05-26T20:04:00.001-07:002010-05-26T20:08:11.705-07:00Wordless Wednesday...<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S_3hUXsOLPI/AAAAAAAAADs/2oxs4fQQxgA/s1600/100_7508.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S_3hUXsOLPI/AAAAAAAAADs/2oxs4fQQxgA/s320/100_7508.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475780462025518322" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-51154176891594373072010-05-01T01:59:00.000-07:002010-05-01T02:15:01.030-07:00My baby girl...My baby girl is 7 weeks old...<br /><br />Where has time gone? I waited my whole life to get to this point and now it is just flying by me so fast. This could have something to do with me sleeping most of my days away. I find it easier to stay up during the night rather than get up every 2 hours to feed Camryn. Obviously this will change when I go back to work at the end of May but it works for now. I am really dreading going back to work. I also have to go back a lot sooner than I expected so that is making me really sad. <br /><br />When we first came home Camryn would sleep 99% of the day. She still sleeps a lot but does have spurts of time where she is awake. She can hold her head up for short periods of time and turns when Dan or I talk. She absolutely loves bath time. She fusses when you change her diaper or take off her blanket. <br /><br />She amazes me everyday...<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vufK6U7wI/AAAAAAAAADk/jL6NmqyRy1w/s1600/100_7039.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vufK6U7wI/AAAAAAAAADk/jL6NmqyRy1w/s320/100_7039.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5466224792016580354" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vuTmPE9tI/AAAAAAAAADc/4SdmSrhW75g/s1600/100_7037.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vuTmPE9tI/AAAAAAAAADc/4SdmSrhW75g/s320/100_7037.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5466224593192941266" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vuFUsB2gI/AAAAAAAAADU/xKp7JvX8r-U/s1600/100_7027.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9vuFUsB2gI/AAAAAAAAADU/xKp7JvX8r-U/s320/100_7027.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5466224347964365314" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-58305254976852276062010-04-26T03:42:00.000-07:002011-03-01T22:01:18.876-08:00Totally in love and a little bit of random...<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9VwP7zKydI/AAAAAAAAADM/7WIix_rZi5Q/s1600/100_7010.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S9VwP7zKydI/AAAAAAAAADM/7WIix_rZi5Q/s320/100_7010.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5464397141936622034" /></a><br /><br />I can offically say it... I am so in love with this child. She is by far the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I am not just saying that becasue she looks exactly like me when I was little. I do see some of her daddy in her but mostly I just see me. <br /><br />It took me a while to get to this point and I honestly was scared that I would not. However, I am happy to say that I am so there. When I look at her I just see hope. I hope that she will be happy and healthy. <br /><br />I want her to know that she can come to me with anything, it does not matter what it is. I also want her to know that she can do anything she wants to do in life. <br /><br />I have waited for Camryn most of my life and I am so glad that she is finally here....Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-63941882846757264922010-04-22T01:35:00.000-07:002010-04-22T02:01:08.381-07:00Where would I be...without good friends? <br /><br />Anyone that knows me knows that family is a huge part of my life. However, I also live pretty far from all of my family and have since 2005. Moving away from home was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I often get very depressed about being so far from everyone, especially when they get together for various gatherings. I come from a very large and extended family and I also married into one. <br /><br />One major thing that makes living so far away bearable is my friends.We have been really lucky t have met so many wonderful people while being here. We would not be where we are right now without them. Most recently we have been able to enter into parenthood with several of our good friends. The journey through the pregnancy was made easier because I had other people going through something similar. I can only Hope that Camryn will have such great friends as she grows older. <br /><br />A few of our friends already have children. We have been really lucky to see these little ones growing up so we know what amazing things we have to look forward to. I can only hope that we will be great parents like them!Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-86013746494695129062010-04-14T00:30:00.000-07:002010-04-14T00:52:39.732-07:00Blessings and ThoughtsThe last couple of days I have been feeling really down. I have said before that I feel like I got jipped on the last weeks of my pregnancy. However, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on that and I have come to a conclusion. I should really stop looking at it that way because I think we got really lucky. I made it to 28 weeks in my pregnancy without any real problems or issues. I carried this baby inside of me up until almost 35 weeks. Some people don't get to do that, some people are not that lucky. I was also able to get the steroid shot to help her lungs as soon as I was admitted to the hospital. Some people do not have that option. There are so many things I need to count as blessings rather than feel down about them. <br /><br />Even though she was born small she came out fighting. We were able to make it to a point in the pregnancy where she had a really good chance. She was only in the NICU for 16 days. That is such a short stay compared to what some babies and their parents have to go through. She never needed extra oxygen. She was hooked up to an IV at the beginning because of the magnesium we were both on. She had a feeding tube but that was her only real issue. Some babies are in there for so much longer and have so many obstacles. I keep those babies and their parents in my prayers daily. I had no clue what the NICU was all about until I was there with a front row seat. <br /><br />Another thing I have been thinking about is <a href="http://www.preeclampsia.org/">pre-eclampsia</a>. It amazes me how many pregnant people have never heard of it. Well to be honest I did not pay much attention to it until after it happened to me. I was basically told what I have was PIH, pregnancy induced hypertention, the whole time. They made it seem like pre-e was the worse case senario and it would not happen. I think their needs to be more education about pre-e and how fast it can come on...<br /><br />Mine started with swelling in one foot and then moved to edema in both legs.<br /><br />Then my blood pressure started to rise.<br /><br />Soon the headaches began<br /><br />and boom I started seeing spots, little shooting star type spots<br /><br />I went into the hospital and ended up with a c-section...Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-37584315197298646692010-04-13T17:28:00.001-07:002010-04-13T17:31:59.320-07:00Time flies...<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S8UM9wFvBBI/AAAAAAAAADE/179r2st1xHg/s1600/100_6771.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S8UM9wFvBBI/AAAAAAAAADE/179r2st1xHg/s320/100_6771.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459784378277102610" /></a><br />My baby girl is over a month old now! Where has time gone? I feel like yesterday was the day she came into this world. If time is going to go this fast I am not sure I can handle it. I am starting to feel more like her mama which is nice. We have been taking some outings to dinner and to the stores. Everyone gives us compliments on how cute she is and they have to tell us how little she is. It bugs me sometimes but I guess she still is pretty tiny. At her last appointment she was 5 lbs 8 oz. I would bet she is going to be close to 7 lbs at her appointment on the 28th. We are seriously blessed to have her in our lives. I cannot belive she is over a month old but she is still not supposed to be here yet!Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-38610766922663295032010-04-07T02:19:00.000-07:002010-04-07T02:24:22.790-07:00This is why I call her my angel...<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7xOUm2ZgAI/AAAAAAAAAC8/nnboX1U8238/s1600/angel.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 96px; height: 72px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7xOUm2ZgAI/AAAAAAAAAC8/nnboX1U8238/s320/angel.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457322964399259650" /></a><br />I was not present when this picture was taken. It was taken by Camryn's daddy after she was taken to the NICU. However, after he brought me the camera a weird feeling came over me. I had seen this child before. I had seen her in a dream. This was my first pregnancy related dream. I knew that she was a girl and she looked exactly like me when I was little. I look at this picture now and it brings me back to the moment I saw her beautiful face in my dream. <br /><br />This is why I call her my angel...Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-36424267361139351052010-04-07T02:00:00.000-07:002010-04-07T02:04:18.754-07:00Things only I know...and maybe Dan too!?Camryn likes to be swaddled with her arms out. I like to call her my own personal Chipotle burrito. <br /><br />She smacks her lips when she is still hungry.<br /><br />Camryn loves bath time but you much keep her covered in the tub. We do this with a burp cloth, if you remove it, she screams!<br /><br />Camryn loves her paci!<br /><br />She likes to sleep on her side. <br /><br /><strong>I will update this post periodically...</strong><em></em>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-28261686718864370172010-04-04T23:23:00.000-07:002010-04-05T00:42:18.473-07:00Awake...I am awake tonight/this morning for no particular reason. I have a lot on my mind and that is usually what keeps me from sleeping. I am struggling with a lot of things right now. My biggest struggle is about this whole mom thing. I always thought becoming a mother would come easy to me. I am supposed to "get" kids, I have my degress in early childhood education, how more kid friendly can you get? However, all of this has been really hard. I think that most of it stems back to the complicated end to my pregnancy.<br /><br />I feel like I did not get to enjoy the end at all. March was really a difficult month for me. I feel like it all wen really quickly. It all flew by me and I am not even sure what happened. I cannot even make sense of it right now. I took notes and wrote things down but it all seems to just be a big blur right now. <br /><br />I know that I love this baby. I waited so long for her to come into my life. I spent many nights praying about her and wishing that she would come into my life. I know that eventually I will feel that bond with her but right now I just feel like she is visiting. I feel like I am just watching her for someone else and that they are going to come pick her up at any moment. <br /><br />I also want anyone reading this to know that I am sharing my feelings becasue I know that they are not always talked about. Sometimes we feel that we have to keep things inside for fear that others will judge us.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-25457952379593545852010-03-30T21:55:00.000-07:002010-03-30T23:30:40.984-07:00In love....<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7LsC-pxFNI/AAAAAAAAACw/dx4l2ib4t3w/s1600/100_6560.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7LsC-pxFNI/AAAAAAAAACw/dx4l2ib4t3w/s320/100_6560.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454681634621166802" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7Lr7NvoBXI/AAAAAAAAACo/07zuuPgJl28/s1600/going+home.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7Lr7NvoBXI/AAAAAAAAACo/07zuuPgJl28/s320/going+home.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454681501233317234" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7Lr0_wreCI/AAAAAAAAACg/hLQ35VPeTms/s1600/100_6580.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7Lr0_wreCI/AAAAAAAAACg/hLQ35VPeTms/s320/100_6580.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454681394400426018" /></a><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7LrthLzjiI/AAAAAAAAACY/xZSIu1iWbdk/s1600/paci.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S7LrthLzjiI/AAAAAAAAACY/xZSIu1iWbdk/s320/paci.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454681265933618722" /></a><br />Today was the first day I really felt like Camryn's mom. She had her first doctor's appointment today and I was responsible for giving them all the information about her. For the past 2 weeks I have had nurses and my family helping out but today it was just Dan and I. My poor baby had to get undressed so they could do her measurements and then needed me to comfort her when she was done. I wrapped her up and held her close to keep her warm. Being needed was a really good feeling. <br /><br />I have been struggling with my depression and anxiety since Cam was born. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything that has been happening. Between being put in the hospital myself and watching my baby girl there as well it has been a little chaotic around here. I am taking it day by day. I think once we have some more time to bond just the two of us things will get better. <br /><br />Depression and I are old friends, we go way back. However, this is something new and I can tell you where it is coming from. However, I will start it off by saying I know it is not my fault and there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened during my pregnancy. I basically feel like my pregnancy was cut short, I did not get to enjoy the end, and mostly I feel like my baby was ripped from me before she was ready. I know that it all might sound crazy with all the health issues I was having but plain and simple this is what I am feeling. <br /><br />I am still not sure Camryn and I have had time to properly bond. She was taken from me by c-section and quickly placed in the NICU. I know this was for her health and I am happy she got such fantastic care while she was there but I got to see her for 30 seconds before she was gone again. She never stayed in my room while we were there and I feel like I missed out. I know it is going to happen eventually and it is starting to. <br /><br />I had always heard that the love for your own child was different than any other kind of love and boy is that true. The love I feel for this baby is 10 times stronger than anything I have ever felt before.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-2099308350728405922010-03-21T01:45:00.000-07:002010-03-21T01:51:23.627-07:00NICU Mom<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XeA3O180I/AAAAAAAAACM/ybE4H8n_iwA/s1600-h/pink+stripes.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XeA3O180I/AAAAAAAAACM/ybE4H8n_iwA/s320/pink+stripes.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451007030409425730" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6Xd4uTOEXI/AAAAAAAAACE/aUuIM02JKa4/s1600-h/mom+and+baby+2.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6Xd4uTOEXI/AAAAAAAAACE/aUuIM02JKa4/s320/mom+and+baby+2.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451006890572910962" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdBSgKRNI/AAAAAAAAABk/qymo-AmEcd4/s1600-h/funny+hands.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdBSgKRNI/AAAAAAAAABk/qymo-AmEcd4/s320/funny+hands.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451005938218190034" /></a><br /><br />I never thought I would be a NICU mom. At least that is what they refer to us as when we are there. I never thought that my baby would come early or have to stay at the hospital as I came home. Camryn is now 10 days old. She has been in the NICU all of those days and I have already been home for 4 of them. Leaving my baby there was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. You are supposed to be wheeled out of the hospital with you baby in your arms. You are supposed to have their car seat ready to go, strap them in, and drive off in the sunset. I never thought I would have to leave my baby girl that early on with people she did not know. I cried the day I left her alone in her funny looking crib. I know that she needs to get healthy because she came too early. We were not ready for her arrival here at home so that part has given me some purpose at the moment. I am recovering because I was sick too. I am getting better and stronger for her. I am getting all the things ready that I was working on before I was admitted into the hospital on March 7. I am buying her tiny clothes because she won’t fit into what we have here. However, my baby girl is doing good. She literally makes progress every day. She will be home soon and I know that, although that does not always make it easier. I think that we are really lucky. Camryn stayed in me until almost 35 weeks. She was born small but compared to some babies in the NICU she is considered big. She was never on oxygen. She had IVs at the beginning and they are out now. She was on UV lights for her jaundice but she is off them now. She is gaining weight and weighs more than her birth weight right now. I am confident that she will be at 4 pounds and even more by next week. She is a strong girl. She is my everything. I still don’t feel like her mom all the time but I know it will come in time. We are doing what we can to bond. I am trying to breastfeed her. However, that is another story for another day. We do kangaroo care and I sing to her. Singing has always made me feel better when I am down so I make up songs for her. I read to her when I visit as well. I count my blessing every minute and pray for all the babies who came just a little early. Dan and I will have the NICU in our hearts forever. So while I never thought I would be a NICU mom, I am one. <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdHXGoSEI/AAAAAAAAABs/7tHI38a3LMk/s1600-h/preemie+outfit+from++daddu.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdHXGoSEI/AAAAAAAAABs/7tHI38a3LMk/s320/preemie+outfit+from++daddu.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451006042532497474" /></a><br /><br />This is the outfit that Dan bought for Camryn after she was born. <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdYp-dLQI/AAAAAAAAAB0/Wmf1IMfISoU/s1600-h/kangaroo+care+1+day+old.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdYp-dLQI/AAAAAAAAAB0/Wmf1IMfISoU/s320/kangaroo+care+1+day+old.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451006339656264962" /></a><br /><br />Here we are doing some kangaroo care at one day old. <br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdnyeCOlI/AAAAAAAAAB8/ct8qqWG7aZU/s1600-h/nicu+blanket.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6XdnyeCOlI/AAAAAAAAAB8/ct8qqWG7aZU/s320/nicu+blanket.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451006599634238034" /></a><br /><br />Here is the blanket they gave her in the NICU. Purple, my favorite!Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-85288536026466349602010-03-18T04:03:00.000-07:002010-03-18T04:19:41.193-07:00Becoming MomOn March 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm my beautiful baby girl was born by c-section. C-section was my last choice as far as the way I wanted to bring her into this world. However, my body decided to have a different plan. <br /><br />March 6, 2010 I was seen in labor and delivery triage and then sent home. I was having headaches and my BP was high.<br /><br />March 7, 2010 I was seen again and then admitted to the hospital for observation.<br /><br />March 8, 9, 10, 2010 I was put on hospital bed rest in the high risk unit.<br /><br />March 11 and 12, 2010 My BP went up very high and I was given an IV with magnesium. This was to avoid seizure or stroke. I was told that I officially had pre-e and was unable to leave my bed. I was having chest pains and they decided to induce me. After one round of pitocin, 4 rounds of meds to soften my cervix, and another round of pitocin (all pain med free) I decided to have a c-section. My body was not cooperating and did not dilate at all. My baby was fine and they said I could make the choice if I wanted to deliver her or wait. I was very weak and losing my mind so I decided to go ahead and have her. <br /><br />I made a choice and my baby was born just under 34 weeks gestation. I still feel a little guilty but my body was failing me and there was not much I could do. <br /><br />Camryn Elizabeth was born weighing 3 pounds and 13 ounces. She was 17 inches long and cried on her way out. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Due to the magnesium I was very out of it during the surgery. It was hard to keep my eyes open but I tried my best and my sweet girl was born. <br /><br />Camryn has been in the NICU since then. She is doing well.She was hooked on the magnesium at the beginning just like me so she could not eat and was very sleepy for a few days. <br /><br /> She has an IV and a feeding tube but that is it. She is doing really well and they may take out her IV today. She may also get to move her to an open crib soon. She needs to be able to eat without a problem and maintain her body temperature in the outside crib. <br /><br />We go back to the NICU twice a day where I get to feed her. She needs lots of help with this and sometimes gets lazy. It has been really hard to leave here but I know she is in good hands. <br /><br />I don't feel like a mom yet. I did not get to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and I miss my baby belly. However, I know it will all come soon and everything will be ok.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6IMK3S7-pI/AAAAAAAAABc/oK7UWzO1RkQ/s1600-h/fingers+2.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S6IMK3S7-pI/AAAAAAAAABc/oK7UWzO1RkQ/s320/fingers+2.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449931879853324946" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-57454902374486559382010-03-07T19:25:00.001-08:002010-03-09T22:06:43.979-08:00Labor and Delivery: 34 weeksWhen they tell you that your baby who is due April 18 could potentially come the beginning to middle of March you don't get a very good feeling. <br /><br />To make a long story short I have been battling high blood pressure and edema in my legs and feet. They told me if I noticed any headaches or blurred vision to call the doctor. On March 6, 2010 I called the doctor because I had been fighting a nasty headache for a couple of days, nothing was helping. They had me go into labor and delivery and get checked out. They monitored my BP and did fetal monitoring for about 4 hours and sent me home. The next day my headache continued and then I saw something scary...black spots. I had a moment of panic but imediatly called the doctor and they had me come in again. Now I have been here pretty much all day and need to stay over night. I am doing a 24 hour urine catch to check for protien in my urine. They also have me a shot in the butt (ouch!) which is steriods to stregthen baby Camryn's lungs just in case they need to induce me. <br /><br />I knew tht induction was a possibility but at 34 weeks those are not the words you want to hear. So here I sit by myself in the hospital waiting for Dan to return....with some food of course...<br /><br />I was able to spend the day with friends Jess and Lisa who took good care of me while Dan was away at his conference. If it were not for them I would probably be going bonkers. <br /><br />Now we will just wait to see what the pee has to say!<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S5c2wuMqq6I/AAAAAAAAABU/TBqiTOeVGgo/s1600-h/34+weeks+in+HC.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S5c2wuMqq6I/AAAAAAAAABU/TBqiTOeVGgo/s320/34+weeks+in+HC.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446882484990684066" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-76973539844618775002010-02-26T07:34:00.000-08:002010-02-26T07:47:29.274-08:00<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4fqJq3sZoI/AAAAAAAAABE/KDemIoYLyHU/s1600-h/award.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4fqJq3sZoI/AAAAAAAAABE/KDemIoYLyHU/s320/award.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442576126548141698" /></a><br /><br />I was given this award by <a href="http://www.fred-n-sara.org/">Sara</a>. So a big thank you to her for giving me something to work on while I am stuck here at home!<br /><br />There are a couple of rules that go along with receiving this award so here they are...<br /><br />1. Thank the person who gave it to you. (See above!)<br />2. Pass this award on to 15 bloggers you’ve recently discovered and think are fantastic. (I am going to work on this since this is a new blog!)<br />3. Contact the bloggers to let them know they’ve won. (Working on that...)<br />4. State 7 things about yourself. (see below)<br /><br />Seven things about myself...<br /><br />Purple is my favorite color. Yellow would be my second if I had to pick one.<br /><br />I have two tattoos. One is a sun on the very bottom of my back. The other is a bird on my shoulder. They are both purple and black. <br /><br />I like to eat weird combinations of food. One of my favorites is pizza rolls with banana. Some people may think this is related to the pregnancy but I have been eating it for years. <br /><br />I hate drinking water. However, I am trying to drink it for the baby right now and to keep the swelling down in my legs. <br /><br />I have a dog and two cats. Wrigley is our yorkie and the cats are named Caly and Jr.<br /><br />I miss my family and Illinois. <br /><br />I have been married since 2006 but Dan and I have been together since 2001.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-16456956110629907122010-02-25T20:26:00.000-08:002010-02-26T11:41:23.785-08:00Camryn's RoomDan and I began preparing our home office for baby Camryn's new room a few months ago! The biggest step was cleaning everything out and taking items off the walls. This part was very hard for Dan since most everything in the room was his. I think I only saw him shed one or two tears. We packed up all the items and took them back home with us. One day when we have a larger house Dan will get to have his space again!<br /><br />We decided on our bedding a long time ago. Dan and I both liked some of the items from the <a href="http://www.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=40266">Oragnic Mix and Match collection </a>at The Gap. We have purchased the quilt, crib sheets, and mobile from here.<br /><br />The next change was painting the walls. We took one of the crib sheets in Home Depot and had the man there do a color match with one of the colors from the sheet.I knew that I did not want to do pink so we picked the lighter brown color. Dan started the painting right away and did a fantastic job!<br /><br />The other day we purchased her crib and set that up. It was hard work but Dan really did a great job. I assisted and attempted to follow the directions but he did most of the work. Right now we do not have a crib mattress but Dan did order it. <br /><br />The most recent addition to the room has been the letters I painted for her name. Yesterday Dan hung each pink and green letter on the wall. They look so good, he did an awesome job with that project. I am definitly impressed because I could not have done what he did.<br /><br />We still have to purchase the changing table/dresser but IKEA is out of them right now. After that we will do lots of organizing and will be ready for Cam to make her grand apprerence.<br /><br />The room before we began working on it...<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4giBKXtUSI/AAAAAAAAABM/ihDeE8MTRmY/s1600-h/room+1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4giBKXtUSI/AAAAAAAAABM/ihDeE8MTRmY/s320/room+1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5442637553036251426" /></a>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138075171044273784.post-7244818446843427292010-02-23T20:57:00.000-08:002010-02-23T21:09:35.902-08:00Bed rest here we come!<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4S0ViiOjeI/AAAAAAAAAAY/gEB001-IUs8/s1600-h/feet.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MC0RAj2tCx4/S4S0ViiOjeI/AAAAAAAAAAY/gEB001-IUs8/s320/feet.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441672531911020002" /></a><br /><br />A couple of weeks ago I noticed that my feet were pretty swollen. I mentioned this to my doctor and they said I should try and keep them up as much as possible. I did this but they did not seem to get any better. Most recently my blood pressure had begin to be really high. I went back to the doctor today and I was told it would be best to stop working. I will now be seen by the doctor on a weekly basis. Tomorrow will begin my bed rest journey. <br /><br />This past Saturday we reached 32 weeks. This is a huge milestone and I am definitely taking it one day at a time now. I will do whatever I have to do to keep this baby inside until she is healthy enough to make her grand appearance. <br /><br />My biggest concern right now is just making sure everything will be ready at school. I have a good start on sub plans but will be working on this a lot this coming week.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06334549090073376755noreply@blogger.com0